"... They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit each season. Their leaves never wither, and they prosper in all they do..."
It's crazy to think that 5 years ago this time, I was enjoying my first days of college. Orientation week, the welcome parties, the move-in. Learning about the hotspots of campus, getting free para, etc. It was a brand new season of being on my own; a new place in my life where I was accountable to myself only. But there was something that I began to miss. I missed my friends and my car, I missed having the kind of money where I could go shopping at a whim, and I missed the security of feeling like I belonged. I had to find a new comfort zone, new people w/ common interests, and enjoy new classes with new teachers. Everything was new, and I had to change in order for the next four years of life to not be frustrating, regretful, and a waste of time and money. I had to grow. I had to mature. As much as I wanted to go back to being that popular senior in high school who had the world at his fingertips, I couldn't. I had to learn how to actually grip the world that was in front of me.
Before I knew it, 4 years passed and I was looking at myself in the mirror of my bathroom at the 23th st. dorm with my cap and gown on. "Wow. I'm done. This is it. Where did the time go? Am I ready to graduate? There's so much I didn't get to do. Did I really take advantage of my time here? What am I going to do now? " I was happy but...there I was again...having that familiar feeling of being moved from a place I'd finally grown into to something unknown. I was happy that I'd accomplished my goal of graduating from college. I walked across the stage with my family and girlfriend watching and cheering. I went to the Grad Alley Party and saw so many classmates and teachers that I was about to say goodbye to. I took the train to the new Yankee Stadium and became apart of the current of purple amidst the sea of other graduates pouring into the back gates. I watched the processional, speeches, and performances. And then it was done...my room was vacant of all things that marked my presence, my boxes were shipped, and I was on a bus at Penn Station headed through the tunnel for the last time. Mixed emotions ran through me as I watched the tall buildings get further and further away. Another season began.
Now here I stand. Engaged. Working. Wedding-planning and house-hunting. I spent the last couple of months frustrated because I seemed unproductive in my music. I wasn't getting the deep revelations to teach like before. I wasn't operating in some of my gifts like I was before. Is there something wrong with me? I was desperately trying to get in touch with God to see if I'd somehow gotten so far away from Him without knowing. But through a simple question posed by Brittany: "Do you feel like we've grown in our relationship?", my eyes and ears were opened. It's another season. God is not as concerned with me writing worship songs, teaching deep words, or even interpreting visions and dreams as He is about me learning to become a husband that can cover his wife. Instead of searching out the deep mysteries, I needed to learn how to have a devotional time with Brittany so we can start our day unified and focused on the Kingdom. Vision and dream interpretation doesn't mean much if I have no vision or discernment of where to lead my family. Now life's not just about me. It's about me and my future wife. The fruit for this season should be seen in my relationship with her and everything else pertaining to it.
My intention wasn't to make this a 'lesson' or 'devo' or something, but it's really a transparent view into my journey into man/husband-hood. For me, this scripture is not just a scripture but a principle that I'm learning to apply. David says that men (and women) of God bear fruit in each season, and that their leaves never wither. This preceding verse says the ability to do that comes from delighting and meditating on God's law. As I look more and more at my morning readings, I'm seeing that it's right in step with where God's leading me as far as character development and walking with Him, which in turn will make me the son I'm meant to be to Him and the husband I'm meant to be to Britt.
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