Lately I've been hearing the words "You've lost weight! You look great!" from a lot of people. I've gotten questions about what I'm doing and how I did it, and honestly I had no idea. I didn't realize until I took my engagement shots how much weight I had actually gained. Am I fat? No, but I'm not exactly the skinny little girl I was in high school or my early college years.
But when did I put on the weight? How did this go unnoticed? I remember when my grandmother pointed out how fat I had become, and how hard I worked to get back down to my size 10 frame from a 14 borderline 16 (just eating right folks...seriously). But where did the weight come from?
I'm at home today by myself. Something I haven't been for this long in a long time. No where to go, just homework, housework, and the Lord. So, I asked, "Dad, what did I do to loose it? And where did it come from?" Dad (God) simply responded "It was emotional weight dear. You let go and you lost that weight. There is more, but thats why you're shedding pounds, you've been shedding emotional baggage."
Wow.
I remember all of the pain, hurt, and baggage that I carried through high school, but there was no weight (lbs) then because I choose to ignore my issues and problems as if they would go away once I went off to college. Sike! They magnified because I was on my own and dealing with more at one time then ever. Then I met Christ through a friend who cared enough to reach out to me and take me to Him. He cut open the roof and lowered me down before His feet daily until I understood His love. It was liberating, but not freeing. It didn't take away the baggage meeting Christ, but it let me know that I had a fighting chance at something better.
And I did. I got Kevin (in addition to all the other wonderful things Christ did in my life). I got a best friend, that same friend who placed me before Christ to love and cherish me for the rest of my life. It's breath-taking, and I can't explain how liberating God's love has been to me as Kevin has loved me. I see Christ in him daily. How he brushes back my hair, how he kisses me on my forehead, how he holds me when I'm angry, upset, or confused, and how he's cared when no one else has. And I know, it was all Christ reaching out and making His love tangible through Kevin. Kevin is a real and strong Christian man. He truly reflects Christ. And what I have discovered since we began dating in 2006 is that the more we grown in Christ, the more pounds I've dropped.
Kevin has literally loved the weight off. Hebrews 12:1 states "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Kevin has been my crowd, and has never left the bench. Many days, its been just him and Dad when I look up for inspiration to keep pushing, but God and God working in Kevin to stay put in my life has kept me from feeling alone. As I've run God's race in my life, as I follow God's will for me, with all the obstacles at time I feel like this race is more like a steeplechase than a marathon even! But it's my race, its the one God has marked out for me.
As I run, I drop the weight. I drop the pain of my past, the abuse, the neglect, the rape, the sexual abuse, the guilt of my past mistakes and current failures. As I run, I sweat under the intense pressure and fire that the Lord contains me in, but I drop the weight. Pounds are shedding as I feel lighter on the inside, I've discovered that it manifests in me on the outside.
My life has changed. My habits transformed, and slowly but surely, I'm dropping the weight. So if you see me and wonder, "Wow you look great! How did you do it?" I'll now respond, I trusted God when it didn't seem anyone could be trusted. I let myself be loved by God and then by the man he sent to find me. I admitted my faults before Him (God) and let Him lovingly but firmly craft me into so much more. I opened my eyes to God's goodness and that as His daughter and an heir I was worth so much more. I accepted the fact that I was lost in the world, in my sin, and in the filth of the abuse, but let God give me the royal treatment as a Queen when I came home. I ignored the haters. Yes I ignored those who told me that I was "too deep" all the time, that "it doesn't take all that", and that was just the Christians! I followed God's call even when it didn't make sense to school with no money, to move out on my own simply because he said so, and to STAY WITH KEVIN no matter what because in God's eye with us, "breaks" constituted separations and divorce. I learned to love those that spitefully used me, and love those who hate me. I learned to love. But the most important thing I did was I MADE A CHOICE.
I choose to stick with God, to trust His plan, and to follow Him. I made a choice each time I was convicted to bend to what the bible said not my own or public opinions. I made a choice to give over what I thought I controlled to God for His use and doing. Quite simply, I decided to follow Jesus wholeheartedly in 2005 and I haven't stopped yet. God has been faithful to me and I'm grateful that I can say God is my "life coach" and my "trainer" at the same time. I look to measure up to one person, Christ, and He has been my scale. Through Him I have become free. Through Christ alone have I become truly healthy, and that's my game plan.
Want to loose weight? Check your focus. Look inward before outward and be willing to shed the internal pounds before the external ones. Am I done yet? Absolutely not! But I promise it is encouraging to see change, and to just feel better about yourself.
So come on, join me. Get committed and drop the pounds!
Love,
Brittany
