Don't get me wrong though. I am not complaining. In my family, and I think his as well, no one has even thought about home ownership at this stage in the game. So many people have suggested getting an apartment, saving up and then going for the house. Great advice, but not God advice.
If you know nothing else about Kevin and I, you should know that as a couple, we boldly follow God's direction, even if it makes no sense, and we trust Him until the end. Not just in this house, but the wedding, our lives together, EVERYTHING. Because as Doobie Powell put it in one of His songs "It's this simple, if it ain't God, it ain't God." So we love you, but don't be hurt if we don't listen. We do seek wise counsel, and that counsel (the wise ones) have never contradicted God's word for our lives. Instead they encouraged and pray with us. We don't neglect wise counsel, and love to ask for help. But, we must also be discerning. If it ain't God, it ain't God.
All that being said, we are forging ahead with God's plan. In this search we have become quite frustrated and discouraged as what's available in our price range, and in the area we need. It's hard. We've liked a couple, lost a couple, and dislike so many more. We've had a lot of trouble in this process, and more disappointment that excitement. But we've also had much laughter along the way. It's been a journey for sure!
One thing we know now after walking through this process, more clearly than ever is this:
Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain.
Psalm 127:1
We know now more than ever just how important that is. Somehow we got lost on the way to the altar. We lost focus, and I don't even think we had watchmen at our gate at some points. We quite simply let the outside in. And though we were working together, we got to a point where we realized our relationship was falling apart. We were overworked, and way past stressed. The next verse in that Psalm speaks of God giving His beloved sleep. We certainly were not taking advantage of that. We were not resting in Him.
Before everyone panics, we're fine. Seriously. We just had to shift our priorities and our focus, and now we're on the path to the mend. But a couple of days ago it hit me, "a mend to what?" I asked myself.
Suddenly I remembered a conversation Cherece Lindsay (shout out) and I had a while ago about becoming one in a marriage. We talked about just how hard it is to let go of yourself and become one with another person. Out of that conversation, God gave me this revelation. That most of us are afraid of losing ourselves in a relationship, and especially in marriage. We want to maintain some identity apart from our spouse. You know, maintain some of who we are. But that was never God's plan. We are commanded to be "One" as they (the Godhead) are one (John 17:22).
When we came to salvation in Christ, we assumed His identity. We became linked to Him. There should be no separate identity without Him. Anything that is, is false, not true, and certainly not who we are created to be. Husbands are admonished in Eph 5:25-27 to love their wives like Christ loves the church. In that same paragraph, wives are encouraged to respect and submit to their husbands. Let me pause here to discuss submission.
I'm not sure what the problem is here, except pride. I'm not going to say I have it down, but I don't complain because Christ is the head of the church and we submit to Him. As a matter of fact, I complain when the Church does NOT submit to Christ as the final authority, but the man. I'm the first to admit my flesh does flair up, but if I am to imitate Christ who submitted Himself unto death, I think I need to work hard at making that happen. All this "independent woman" crap has got to go! God designed woman and a helpmeet suitable to man. It's our job to work alongside them to get the job God has assigned to them done. It doesn't make us unqualified or stupid, or belittled. It just makes us in order. Blessings only flow when you're in order. Seriously. I mean, who would ever put money in machine that says its out of order? I mean for real! Then can someone PLEASE tell me why we always expect God to pour into us when we are out of order??? seriously (self included, smacks forehead like duh dummy, get it together!)
Sigh, Ok, I'm off my soapbox.
Anyhow, I looked up the term "submit" in the greek text. The way it sits grammatically in the text, there is no actual verb used here for the term submit. It can be interpreted that way, but the sentence basically says for wives to "give" themselves to their husbands. But if we use the term in verse 24, we can see that it means to freely place oneself under another person's authority, and as this verse so aptly captures, just as we do with Christ.
In this process, I've been broken numerous times, and so has Kevin. God has reminded us of our desperated need to seek Him everyday, and to never get too busy. He has constantly spoken to us that we will not have a house if our home (our marriage) is in in line and order first. So her we are, a bunch of broken people, in itty bitty pieces. Sad right? Well no actually!
God helped me to see His plan perfectly. All of this God allowed to do one specific thing, unify us, and it's working. God opened our eyes to see this: You can't put two seperate vessels together that are not first broken or melted down and then fused together as one. In other words, He had to do it! God is the master potter, and clay (Diane can tell you ) is best made from sand, not pieces, but sand. You don't want chunks in your pot! So we've gone through it all just to be crushed so we can be rebuilt as one.
When talking to Cherece, I discovered that the key to unity is not being afraid to lose yourself. I am not supposed to maintain a piece of who I am, I am supposed to become Mrs. Kevin Turner. We are supposed to become one. That doesn't mean that I won't have a say, and it certainly doesn't mean that I disappear. More so, it means, I am not my own. It will take some work, like it did when I first accepted Christ, but I've seen God's vision for our expected end, and its nothing less than a masterpiece. I'm excited.
With that being said, please keep us lifted in this molding process to become man and wife. Pray that our eyes are on guard to keep the outside out, and God in. Pray that we would be unified, and endure the molding process. Pray that God would be glorified on our wedding day as we are presented as a whole vessel, not completed (because we know God will just be beginning then) but whole. And please pray however else you fell led. Pray for our finances in this season. House hunting and a wedding is something completely in God's hand for a miracle. We are being responsible, but we do need prayers for breakthrough and wisdom. Pray for our families, bridal party, and those who will come. Pray that they all be touched by the love of God in a powerful way that day. We have all come such a long way, and each participant in our wedding has truly endured their own struggles. Please, keep them all lifted. View our wedding website www.weddingwire.com/kevinandbrittany2011 for names.
Any questions, please feel free to contact us at the email listed above or any other way you know how to find us. =D
Love you all dearly,
~Brittany
