Lately I've been hearing the words "You've lost weight! You look great!" from a lot of people. I've gotten questions about what I'm doing and how I did it, and honestly I had no idea. I didn't realize until I took my engagement shots how much weight I had actually gained. Am I fat? No, but I'm not exactly the skinny little girl I was in high school or my early college years.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Loosing the Weight
Lately I've been hearing the words "You've lost weight! You look great!" from a lot of people. I've gotten questions about what I'm doing and how I did it, and honestly I had no idea. I didn't realize until I took my engagement shots how much weight I had actually gained. Am I fat? No, but I'm not exactly the skinny little girl I was in high school or my early college years.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
The Big Picture
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Seasons of Maturity (Psalm 1:3)
"... They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit each season. Their leaves never wither, and they prosper in all they do..."
It's crazy to think that 5 years ago this time, I was enjoying my first days of college. Orientation week, the welcome parties, the move-in. Learning about the hotspots of campus, getting free para, etc. It was a brand new season of being on my own; a new place in my life where I was accountable to myself only. But there was something that I began to miss. I missed my friends and my car, I missed having the kind of money where I could go shopping at a whim, and I missed the security of feeling like I belonged. I had to find a new comfort zone, new people w/ common interests, and enjoy new classes with new teachers. Everything was new, and I had to change in order for the next four years of life to not be frustrating, regretful, and a waste of time and money. I had to grow. I had to mature. As much as I wanted to go back to being that popular senior in high school who had the world at his fingertips, I couldn't. I had to learn how to actually grip the world that was in front of me.
Before I knew it, 4 years passed and I was looking at myself in the mirror of my bathroom at the 23th st. dorm with my cap and gown on. "Wow. I'm done. This is it. Where did the time go? Am I ready to graduate? There's so much I didn't get to do. Did I really take advantage of my time here? What am I going to do now? " I was happy but...there I was again...having that familiar feeling of being moved from a place I'd finally grown into to something unknown. I was happy that I'd accomplished my goal of graduating from college. I walked across the stage with my family and girlfriend watching and cheering. I went to the Grad Alley Party and saw so many classmates and teachers that I was about to say goodbye to. I took the train to the new Yankee Stadium and became apart of the current of purple amidst the sea of other graduates pouring into the back gates. I watched the processional, speeches, and performances. And then it was done...my room was vacant of all things that marked my presence, my boxes were shipped, and I was on a bus at Penn Station headed through the tunnel for the last time. Mixed emotions ran through me as I watched the tall buildings get further and further away. Another season began.
Now here I stand. Engaged. Working. Wedding-planning and house-hunting. I spent the last couple of months frustrated because I seemed unproductive in my music. I wasn't getting the deep revelations to teach like before. I wasn't operating in some of my gifts like I was before. Is there something wrong with me? I was desperately trying to get in touch with God to see if I'd somehow gotten so far away from Him without knowing. But through a simple question posed by Brittany: "Do you feel like we've grown in our relationship?", my eyes and ears were opened. It's another season. God is not as concerned with me writing worship songs, teaching deep words, or even interpreting visions and dreams as He is about me learning to become a husband that can cover his wife. Instead of searching out the deep mysteries, I needed to learn how to have a devotional time with Brittany so we can start our day unified and focused on the Kingdom. Vision and dream interpretation doesn't mean much if I have no vision or discernment of where to lead my family. Now life's not just about me. It's about me and my future wife. The fruit for this season should be seen in my relationship with her and everything else pertaining to it.
My intention wasn't to make this a 'lesson' or 'devo' or something, but it's really a transparent view into my journey into man/husband-hood. For me, this scripture is not just a scripture but a principle that I'm learning to apply. David says that men (and women) of God bear fruit in each season, and that their leaves never wither. This preceding verse says the ability to do that comes from delighting and meditating on God's law. As I look more and more at my morning readings, I'm seeing that it's right in step with where God's leading me as far as character development and walking with Him, which in turn will make me the son I'm meant to be to Him and the husband I'm meant to be to Britt.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Balance vs Change
What are your priorities? How do you balance a busy lifestyle? More importantly, how do you adapt to the curve balls God throws you?
I'll respond this weekend with an update of the wedding plans to date! Love you all!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
The God Chisel
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Reflecting God's Glory
Reflecting His Glory
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 1, by Os Hillman
08-11-2010
"They will tell of the glory of Your kingdom and speak of Your might, so that all men may know of Your mighty acts and the glorious splendor of Your kingdom." Psalm 145:11-12
How do you measure your effectiveness in God, or should you even be thinking like this? The early Church turned the world upside down in that first century. What made them so effective? Was it their theology? Was it great preaching? Was it due to one man's influence apart from Jesus?
The Scriptures are clear as to what made the early Church effective. It is at the core of God's heart, and it is quite simple. God desires to reflect His nature and power through every individual. When this happens, the world is automatically changed because those who reflect His glory affect the world.
We serve a jealous God. He is a God who will not share His glory with anyone. God sets up situations in order to demonstrate His power through them. He has done this since the day He created man. His desire is to reflect His glory through you and me, so that all men may know of His mighty acts and the glorious splendor of His Kingdom. The apostle Paul understood this principle: "My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power" (1 Cor. 2:4-5). If you do not see His glory being reflected through your life, then you need to ask why. He has promised to do so if we will walk in obedience to His commands.
Today God Is First (TGIF) devotional message, Copyright by Os Hillman, Marketplace Leaders.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
Our Story-Part 2
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
- Our story
- Our ministry/Kevin's wisdom gleaned in our relationship
- More Wisdom, Conclusion and Recap
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
The Wedding Dress:
So yesterday I went dress shopping. It was the single most stressful event surprisingly. Not because the people I took made it stressful. In fact, they were a great crowd, very anti- "say yes to the dress" if you know what I mean. Instead they were kind and loving but I still left extremely disappointed. Dress shopping opened the door to an extreme amount of insecurity in me. I realized that the dresses I loved were overly simple. Meaning, so simple, I would look underdressed for my own affair. Why you might ask? Because that's all I'm comfortable in. I tried on one dress that everyone loved, and I, well, didn't hate but didn't love either. It was a princess type of gown, a-line. While I loved the embellishments, the fit was so not me.
I left that day with a better idea in mind at what I wanted, and a very stark contrast to what God expected. Do I say this to mean that God expects me to be more outlandish? No. But He's been really stretching me with this wedding. This thing is extravagant! As something that is expressing God's love should rightfully be, but its more than I can imagine, and even worse, feel I deserve. I trust God to bring His vision to pass, but honestly, I just feel like a small town girl and that a small town wedding is all I deserve. I've never pictured myself in white, because that was reserved for true virgins in my mind, which reveals my lack of belief that I have really been purified in the blood of Christ. Somewhere in the back on my mind that thought doesn't override what I've always believed. My dad took one look at that dress and said I looked like a princess, and unlike the other dresses, I didn't just blend in with everyone else. He said it looked like it was my day, and I was the bride. My mom almost cried, my sister wouldn't let the train go (she's my maid of honor) and then promptly told me nothing else would look as good as that one. But how do I pick out a dress that screams "its all about me!" when I've centered not only this wedding but my life around Christ being glorified, and serving His people. I mean, I picked out my bridesmaid dresses first, and discovered that the wedding dresses I liked the most put me as just another person on that day.
I left so disappointed with myself for not liking the dress everyone loved, and moreso I think because it donned on me that I don't feel I deserve it. I don't want to be a princess I want to be me, the same ole Brittany, who puts everyone else before herself, and Christ first, no matter what the cost. But where is the balance? I am so conflicted and perplexed on the inside that I honestly don't know how to express it all. What do you mean it's what I want? Huh? Smch…clearly not, because God is trying to elevate me to a level I don't feel I deserve, or ought to accept. It's almost like I don't know how to operate like this. So, to pick a wedding dress is almost like to pick an identity where I get to say, its ok to not be mediocre and settle, and that God desires to bless me with more (even if I don't deserve it). I'm stuck in the mentality, who am I to be chosen to be loved like this? What does this mean to me?
So, the search continues for not only my dress, but for who God really wants me to be? Can I say like Ruth and do what Esther was anointed to do, just because I'm comfortable that way? Or is it time for my period of purification for a lifestyle elevation, just because it's God's plan to bless me to be a blessing? Can I accept it and get there? Only more time with the Father will tell.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Est. In Love (1999)
14For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15from whom his whole familya in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.